Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Therapist Wanted

I belong to a web group of parents of children with down syndrome. I mostly surf through and read others' comments and keep my posts to a minimum. I've learned so much, and the most important thing I've learned is that every child is different, even when they're the same. There are well over 1000 members, so every once in a while I read a post that makes me think, like yesterday. A lady wrote in saying she wanted to visit our site because her 17 year old daughter (not ds) has been dating a 20 year old man with ds. At first I thought it was sweet and told Bill about it. The relationship was serious and the lady wanted some opinions from us. The ladies on the site gushed about how open minded she and her daughter were and thought it was terrific.
Then Bill asked, "What if one of our daughters got into a serious relationship with a guy with ds?"
My mind went from -"Yea, Enoch could date 'normal' girls I bet!" to "What?!?!?!"
I have to say that I'm still reeling from Bill's question, why? Why is it so hard for me to except Enoch in a relationship with a regular girl, but so much harder for me to think about one of my girls with a boy with ds? I gave the, "shorter life span, early onset dementia, harder to make a living, couldn't have children..." excuses - Bill just looked at me and smiled his reply of "people die every day, all sorts of people have unforeseen difficulties, there are many who can't have children."
Then it occurred to me that I know my daughter would be treated like a queen every day of her life. I know she would receive nothing but love from him. I know that after this very short existence on earth she would be married to one of the great and noble ones for eternity.
It's still hard for me to wrap my mind around, so I want to know why that is -help me out! (This is cheaper than therapy and I trust you:-)

2 comments:

Kristin said...

I think we just want to see our children in the most favorable circumstances possible. It's true that many women are not able to conceive, that early death is a possibility for anyone - the odds are just different. Don't we all want to see our babies blissfully content in mortality and eternity? Not to say there aren't surely lots of bumps in the road - we only want the bumps to be as easy to bounce over for them as possible. Just a thought.

JoEllen said...

This is hard, because I think I would feel the same way you do if I had a child with ds. You want everything "normal" for them, but what about your already "normal" children entering into that world? It would be tough. It's important to remember that our physical handicaps are only with us for this life. So, yes, your daughter would be regarded as a queen for ETERNITY and there is something to be said for that. It would be hard to watch your daughter enter into a relationship like that knowing she wouldn't be able to have children of her own, but we do have a millenium to look forward to for things such as that. Bill is just so darn insightful! :)
This was a good post - makes me think too! I guess my conclusion is this: if she were happy and she had prayed about it and knew that this was right for her, I'd be supportive all the way.

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David

David
Real cool guy!

Tawnymara

Tawnymara
Here is beauty!

Harrison

Harrison
Hunky boy!

Eve

Eve
Green eyed goddess

Aurora

Aurora
Perfect in every way

Danielle

Danielle
Princess angel girl

Enoch

Enoch
Nobody is more loved