this truth has gently settled on me like the soft strike of a demolition ball against a glass house.
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to sub as an early morning seminary teacher for a little over a week. It happened to be for Tawny's class and she didn't appreciate her mom being the teacher. Our ride home was tumultuous and I felt very frustrated and a little overwhelmed at the 6 days of teaching remaining. I vented to my husband who went and spoke with our daughter.
He came back later and sat me down and said, "It doesn't matter how funny you are, you will never be funny, and it doesn't matter how good you look, you will never be pretty, you are old, you are mom, and that's how it is..for now."
At first my feelings were crushed. then...
I thought back to my seminary days and the guy who was my teacher. He had been married for maybe 2 years tops and they had a baby. I'm thinking he was barely 25. But he was old. He wasn't funny. But he was a good teacher and I knew he cared.
Then I fast forwarded to when I was Young Women's president in Rye. I was 24, I had a few kids, I had energy and I loved being with the Young Women. I never thought about seeming old to them, but now that I look back, I'm sure I was.
So after a few hours of the acidic words sinking into my being a peace began to douse the sting. I suddenly realized that a freedom came with no expectations of being funny or pretty. I was able to just enjoy myself!
It didn't bother me that upon hearing I had 5 kids in 5 years the young men thought it was 'gross', in fact one even was so in shock he spewed orange juice out of his mouth! I wasn't offended when they also commented on my calves being gigantically huge and manly (I was even a little flattered they noticed:-).
Of course I still feel young and vibrant, (as long as I get to bed by 9:00 pm) so I am not down trodden by this revelation. It's more of a lesson in perspective, one I think we all eventually learn, well all but the granny ladies who wear low rise jeans and belly shirts....but that's another blog.