Tuesday, March 3, 2009

ramblings of a 40 year old woman

Tawny, with the help from Danni & Harrison, made me this very delicious carrot cake! She used 'Fruit by the Foot' for ribbon. And yes, it looks like a lot of candles on there (especially when half of them light back up after blown out...)

I think every birthday probably causes reflexion in one's own life. 40 years is such a nice round number. Just twenty years ago yesterday I was walking back - very dejectedly- from a poets group I attended on campus at Ricks College. The group had just done a critique session and tore my piece apart. Nobody had remembered my birthday, and the day was nearing it's end. I was walking to my place in the dark and cold feeling very sorry for myself. I noticed the skeletal shadows of the trees on the sidewalks and penned a poem about the darkness of life (I tried to find it to share, but I gave up). I finally walked into the door of the dark home, wondering why none of my roommates were around when everyone jumped up and yelled "Surprise!" Bill had bought me a Oreo cookie ice cream cake. The world seemed a better place.

In one month I will have been married for as long as I was single. Looking back on my 20s and 30s it really does seem like a blur. I had 5 kids by the time I was 25 and have basically been tending to their needs throughout all that time. I was able to cram in a degree in their somehow. I look at moms in their 20s and 30s and think that they are so much smarted than I was, I still have so much to learn.

I'm at the age where I don't fit in anywhere. I have young children, but the young moms have their own little group. I come to things now and then, but I think they get tired of my opinions and life stories. The women more my age have most of their children older and are very busy with their activities.

But as I close the door on my first 4 decades I look forward to this next one. I envision more freedom as children start moving away. There will also be a little less when all my babysitters move out and I still have the 2 little ones left, they will be around 9 and 6 by then. I see myself able to concentrate more on my health and well being, spiritually and physically. Don't tell LA (if she reads this post I'll be getting a phone call from her!) but my blood pressure has been around 176/108. That's a bit high for me. I'm also very overweight, and seem to be gaining weight without even trying! I have to wear reading glasses at night because things are blurring out. But I think I can get things back under control. I can out lift and out fast walk women half my age. I am strong, and I have an amazing support system. Bill and I have a marriage that improves with time. We are more comfortable with each other and we still act like newly weds and can embarrass our kids at the drop of a hat, skilz that take years to perfect.

I love being 40 (I lie about my age, so you may think I'm anywhere between 40 and 45, I never lie down in age, I want to look like a hot older woman, not a worn out younger one....My kids didn't know my age, heck my mom even wrote happy 42nd birthday on her card to me. I can really mess people up!) I'm looking forward to the next 40 years and expect them to be the best!


Kristin said...

This is a really sweet post, Kristie. Too funny that your mom messed up your age. :) Just to let you know, you fit in with us! It's fun to laugh with you. I remember playing that Balderdash game with you and Bill - good times.

cate said...

I remember you telling me to lie up about my age, that way I would always look good for how old people thought I was! You are way hot for 45.

devri said...

I lie about my age I say I am older so people will say, oh my word, you look so young.. tee hee

great ribbon!

julia said...

happy birthday!! if i lived in muncie, you would totally be invited to my mom's group..once i'm there of course. :)

JoEllen said...

Happy Birthday!! Your cake turned out beautifully. What talented kids you have!

All 4 My Gals said...

We have a lot in common, though I don't have the older kids to help out like you do. I too look forward to the next 40 years. :-) Happy Belated Birthday, I love your cake! HUGS

peter said...

Here's wishing you a late birthday and the best next 40 years you can have.

And just so we're clear, I have yet to get tired of your opinions and life stories and we'd love to see you at a few more playgroups and other activities. But, that being said, I can understand the "in-limbo" feeling. I've felt it before at other times.




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