Tuesday, March 3, 2009

ramblings of a 40 year old woman



Tawny, with the help from Danni & Harrison, made me this very delicious carrot cake! She used 'Fruit by the Foot' for ribbon. And yes, it looks like a lot of candles on there (especially when half of them light back up after blown out...)

I think every birthday probably causes reflexion in one's own life. 40 years is such a nice round number. Just twenty years ago yesterday I was walking back - very dejectedly- from a poets group I attended on campus at Ricks College. The group had just done a critique session and tore my piece apart. Nobody had remembered my birthday, and the day was nearing it's end. I was walking to my place in the dark and cold feeling very sorry for myself. I noticed the skeletal shadows of the trees on the sidewalks and penned a poem about the darkness of life (I tried to find it to share, but I gave up). I finally walked into the door of the dark home, wondering why none of my roommates were around when everyone jumped up and yelled "Surprise!" Bill had bought me a Oreo cookie ice cream cake. The world seemed a better place.

In one month I will have been married for as long as I was single. Looking back on my 20s and 30s it really does seem like a blur. I had 5 kids by the time I was 25 and have basically been tending to their needs throughout all that time. I was able to cram in a degree in their somehow. I look at moms in their 20s and 30s and think that they are so much smarted than I was, I still have so much to learn.

I'm at the age where I don't fit in anywhere. I have young children, but the young moms have their own little group. I come to things now and then, but I think they get tired of my opinions and life stories. The women more my age have most of their children older and are very busy with their activities.

But as I close the door on my first 4 decades I look forward to this next one. I envision more freedom as children start moving away. There will also be a little less when all my babysitters move out and I still have the 2 little ones left, they will be around 9 and 6 by then. I see myself able to concentrate more on my health and well being, spiritually and physically. Don't tell LA (if she reads this post I'll be getting a phone call from her!) but my blood pressure has been around 176/108. That's a bit high for me. I'm also very overweight, and seem to be gaining weight without even trying! I have to wear reading glasses at night because things are blurring out. But I think I can get things back under control. I can out lift and out fast walk women half my age. I am strong, and I have an amazing support system. Bill and I have a marriage that improves with time. We are more comfortable with each other and we still act like newly weds and can embarrass our kids at the drop of a hat, skilz that take years to perfect.

I love being 40 (I lie about my age, so you may think I'm anywhere between 40 and 45, I never lie down in age, I want to look like a hot older woman, not a worn out younger one....My kids didn't know my age, heck my mom even wrote happy 42nd birthday on her card to me. I can really mess people up!) I'm looking forward to the next 40 years and expect them to be the best!

7 comments:

Kristin said...

This is a really sweet post, Kristie. Too funny that your mom messed up your age. :) Just to let you know, you fit in with us! It's fun to laugh with you. I remember playing that Balderdash game with you and Bill - good times.

cate said...

I remember you telling me to lie up about my age, that way I would always look good for how old people thought I was! You are way hot for 45.

devri said...

I lie about my age I say I am older so people will say, oh my word, you look so young.. tee hee

great ribbon!

julia said...

happy birthday!! if i lived in muncie, you would totally be invited to my mom's group..once i'm there of course. :)

JoEllen said...

Happy Birthday!! Your cake turned out beautifully. What talented kids you have!

All 4 My Gals said...

We have a lot in common, though I don't have the older kids to help out like you do. I too look forward to the next 40 years. :-) Happy Belated Birthday, I love your cake! HUGS

peter said...

Here's wishing you a late birthday and the best next 40 years you can have.

And just so we're clear, I have yet to get tired of your opinions and life stories and we'd love to see you at a few more playgroups and other activities. But, that being said, I can understand the "in-limbo" feeling. I've felt it before at other times.

Kristy

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David

David
Real cool guy!

Tawnymara

Tawnymara
Here is beauty!

Harrison

Harrison
Hunky boy!

Eve

Eve
Green eyed goddess

Aurora

Aurora
Perfect in every way

Danielle

Danielle
Princess angel girl

Enoch

Enoch
Nobody is more loved