Thursday, September 11, 2008

on fire?


There have been many instances lately that have reminded me of this amazing series for 'married folk'. Back about 12 years ago Bill and I were at the '7 year itch' phase.
Not that we were looking at ending things or anything, but we were in a rut. A friend loaned us their "Light His/Her Fire" series. Bill and I listened - and learned!
Here are some of the things I remember about what we were taught:
1- The bedroom often gets put on the back burner because it's easy to close the door and guests don't see it, we tend to focus energy and money on the rooms we entertain in more. Well, who's the most important person we 'entertain'? Right! Our spouse! So the bedroom should be first priority, this is where I learned about sheet thread count.
2- The TV does NOT belong in the bedroom. There are more important things to do than watch TV while in bed. I'm not just talking about sex (get your mind out of the gutter:-) It's a great time to talk, listen, give back rubs and foot rubs, well, and strengthen your sex life! (Ask me about the time my 13 year old son counseled a friend of mine to get their TV out of the bedroom)
3- Try to kiss for 60 seconds. That's right, a one minute kiss! It's a little weird to time it, but it gives you an idea of the amount of time we give to that fun past-time!
4- I heard my dad refer to a spur of the moment gift as a 'just because'. There doesn't have to be a special holiday to give a token of love. It doesn't have to be expensive, a flower, a chocolate (just one? no I mean chocolateS), a love note in a lunch sack, or on the steering wheel, you know, something unexpected.
5- Serve him (or her). Make his favorite meal. Do something special just for him. It may take a little bit of time for him to pick up on it, but he'll start doing the same back to you.
6-(this is actually my idea, it's not from the series) Sit next to each other in church. Don't let your children sit between you, sit together and hold hands all the time. We have 7 kids, and we always have found away to sit next to each other, it can be done! (unless one of us is leaving with a fussy baby) We also sit next to each other at the dinner table, or when we're in the living room watching a movie with the kids. Bill will tell who ever is in the way, "that's mom's place", they move without blinking an eye.
I totally recommend the series to anybody regardless of how great your marriage is or how long you've been married. These relationships are eternal, we're meant to have joy in them. Unfortunately this life gets us bogged down with the mundane things like making a living. Making a loving home gets pushed to the side.
Spencer W. Kimball (A prophet for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) once said:
Divorces often occur over sex, money, and child discipline. If you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find there are one, two, three, four reasons. Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in the court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason. ... Husband and wife ... are authorized, in fact they are commanded, to have proper sex when they are properly married for time and eternity. That does not mean that we need to go to great extremes. That does not mean that a woman is the servant of her husband. It does not mean that any man has a right to demand sex anytime that he might want it. He should be reasonable and understanding and it should be a general program between the two, so they understand and everybody is happy about It

(Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, edited by Edward L. Kimball [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982], 312.) Italics and bold are from me.





1 comment:

JoEllen said...

Sal and I have decided from the get go that we would always sit by each other in church. Little Sal doesn't get to sit in the middle. We always sit next to each other. I like that suggestion a lot. I think it's a great way for your children to feel like their parents have a stable relationship. I like the idea of sitting by each other at the dinner table too. We don't do that. We should start! :) Good post.

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